Return of the Jedi?

I'm back.

We are nearing the end of July 2013. This is my first blog Of the year. What has brought me back?

The Winter was slow moving. The Holiday Season had me in relaxation mode. Too much relaxation turned into apathy.  So I hid from the world.

When Spring came and went, and I still was without energy, it was time to sound the alarm. I had not kept in touch with my circle of friends. I stopped making cards and jewelry. I didn't want to move beyond the comforts of home.

I was in trouble. I started to buy things I didn't need to keep happy.  I surrounded myself with vourful markers, pens and paper to feel better. I looked for holes in my marriage. I started to tell myself I was a horrible wife and mother. I felt guilty for taking up space and taking in oxygen. Yuck!

I had slipped back into the throes of depression and I knew it. This time I was determined to take the electric toaster into the bath with me. I was going to buy rat poison from Walmart and eat it for breakfast. I decided there was no point to leave a note. So long as I made sure they knew how much I loved them. Each one.

I texted my sisters. "I love you very much."  My parents, my brother got their texts too. There!  All done. Except my timing was off and they caught on. Next time, draw the bath and have the toaster ready. Or have the rat poison next to a glass of water with me in bed. Or, send emails with future dates for auto delivery.

Now, I have to see the doctor as my husband marches me in. A family member will be supervising me at all hours of the day and night. And my son would not be with me unsupervised.

Weeks later, with new doses of medication, I'm back. Thanks to those who acted on their instincts. Thanks to my tireless, loving and committed husband. Thanks to my most wonderful mother in law. Thanks to my little boy who tells me every day that he loves me and means it so absolutely.

Call me Jedi. I am one with the force.

Mental Illness & Creativity

The Nova Scotia division of the Canadian Mental Health Association (CMHA) recently discussed mental illness and creativity.  While creativity does not lead to mental illness, it is interesting to note that many who suffer mental illness seem to be individuals (see more information, below) who are highly successful and share their creativity with the world. 

I began drawing and realized that I am enjoying it.  Once I acknowledged this, I started to feel uncomfortable and embarrassed.  Somehow, admitting that I have a little talent (draw & colour), makes me want to hide or become invisible.  Is this normal?  Do you do the same with your talent(s)?

When I draw, my mind no longer focuses on things or feelings that distract me from enjoying the drawing.  When I colour, my mind lets the different colours come to life on a page.  Every drawing is different.  Each page is unique. It is refreshing how a white piece of blank paper can become something beautiful, positive, and lively!  Not a day passes when I don't return to my sketchbook and colour markers. 

Drawing and colouring puts me at ease.  There is a sense of happiness and peace that comes from a quieter inner part of me.  I feel like I can fly and soar above my present circumstances.  I feel whole, as if I am full to the brim with all things good and noble.  I become thankful for the things I have, for the people I love and for the things I can do.

This is my blessing.  May it also bring you healing, happiness, and all the good things you deserve.  Shalom.

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More Information

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/two-takes-depression/201202/the-celebrity-coming-out-mental-illness

http://health.discovery.com/tv/psych-week/articles/celebrities-mental-disorders.html

http://www.mentalhealthministries.net/links_resources/other_resources/famouspeople.pdf

Battling Depression: The Difference

Consider the phrase: "battling depression".  How one perceives it becomes its definition, and then follows how one lives with it.

bat·tle/ˈbatl/

Noun:	A sustained fight between large, organized armed forces.
Verb:	Fight or struggle tenaciously to achieve or resist something: "he has been battling against the illness".
Synonyms:	noun.  fight - combat - action - war - fighting - struggle verb.  fight - combat - struggle - contend - war - wrestle

More info »Wikipedia - Dictionary.com - Answers.com - Merriam-Webster

 

For example, do I think of it as an figurative or imagined "enemy"?  Perhaps, "Depression" is an entity (a ghost, a thing, a being, etc.) which is against me.  I battle it as I would an oppressor or a thief who comes in the night to steal from me.  I employ offensive measures in order to win against it.  To win is to rid it of its "life force".

Or, do I think "battling depression" is an effort?  "Depression" is faceless, lifeless, vague and abstract.  It is a nothing!  But, I am conscious of its presence and aware of its aura.  I am on guard and stand my ground so that it does not penetrate my borders.  I shield against it.  I push it further from me.  And, I keep true to myself and does not let it rob me of who and what I am.

What I mean to ask is this:

A.  Am I battling depression?

or

B.  Am I battling depression?

The difference is this:

If A, then my focus should be to understand what depression is, what it can do to me, how it affects me, and how I can win over it.  However, if B, then I should concentrate on my strategy (get enough sleep, exercise, take my medication regularly, take advantage of my support group, develop an inner strength to stand firm, eat well, use a seasonal affective disorder (S.A.D.) lamp, etc.)

Is "battling depression" a noun or a verb to you?  Is your answer A. or B.?  Know the difference.  For in knowing, we have a new kind of hope; a clearer vision to live another moment, another day, week, month, and year. Vive la différence!  Long live the difference!

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More Information: Five small (but big) ways to beat depression every time  -From the Daily Mind

1. Realize that depression is transient
2. Be careful with the label “I have depression”
3. Learn the value of human contact
4. Eat and drink healthy
5. Get out in the sun and run

 Click the link and read the entire article.  These five suggestions contain more explanation in article.

Sleep: Beauty & the Beast

Tricks to falling asleep:

• Head hits the pillow and its lights out? 
• Relax your body, from top down or bottom up, one muscle at a time?
• Recite the alphabet starting from z, slowly, until sleep comes?
• Keep eyes closed and think of nothing.  Focus on the nothingness...?
• Count sheep?

I've tried one or another of the above.  Sometimes, it feels like magic.  Other times, it feels like torture.  The average healthy individual requires sleep to function optimally.  Much more the individual struggling with mental illness. Medication works up to a point.  Positive thinking, eating well, exercise, humour, support, etc., all contribute.  Yet, without sleep, the mind and the body suffer.

Last night, I went to bed hoping that sleep will come easily since I had a busy day.  I tossed and turned, and tried to keep cool.  I remained awake for too long.  So long that when my son came to wake me, I could not speak properly.  My speech was slurred.  My eyes refused to stay open.  I begged for ten more minutes.

It is mid morning, but I am not ready for the day.  I've completed my walk and sent my son off to school.  My bed is calling out for me.

Good night, friend.  It looks like I will have to bid another beautiful morning adieu.  See you later?

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More Information:  http://www.scientificamerican.com/article.cfm?id=can-a-lack-of-sleep-cause

Melancholia

Before the birth of my child, I did not have any worthwhile understanding of depression, schizophrenia, melancholia, or any other form of mental illness.  I knew someone or someone's someone who was experiencing something.  I empathized and offered kind wishes for strength, support and recovery.  Beyond that, nothing.

I am a different person today.  I became a wife and a mother.  I relish both roles and continue to invest my best efforts toward being a supportive wife and friend, as well as a patient, tender hearted mother.  Along with these identities, I am learning to "co-exist" with a melancholic version of myself.

 

1st-art-gallery.com

At least once a month, I visit a medical professional (MD/doctor/specialist); a wonderfully strong and intelligent woman.  She helps me to see beyond depression.  Assuming you are unaware, it is easy to think of depression as if it is a part of me like my nose or my hair colour, or as something I "picked up" like a cold or a virus.  Thankfully, there is medication that can help lessen the hold of depression.  In fact, there are so many choices of treatment that it is possible to try one, or a combination, or tweak dosage from season to season, or from one episode to the next.  As recently as today, I even learned there is a lamp that can bring more sunshine and less depressive darkness.

For some lucky individuals, mental illness is a short visitor who visits once in a while under some predictive situations.  For others, it is a distant relative you bump into once and no more.  And, for yet others like me, mental illness is, well, here for a little bit longer, and definitely longer than we like.  We live with it, manage it, and teach ourselves to be better, stronger, happier, and more IN SPITE OF it.

Today, I made the decision to share my experience with mental illness with anyone who wants to know more.  Maybe you know someone.  Maybe you are a professional who wants to understand it in order to help your patients.  Maybe you are a parent, sibling, spouse, or friend and you want to be there for a special someone.  If so, begin by subscribing to this blog.  My commitment to you (and myself) is to be honest and open. 

My name is Jie-Jie, and I suffer from mental illness.  I invite you to join me on my journey.

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More information...

Ten Things to Know about Mental Illness

1. Mental illness can happen to anyone.
2. Mental illnesses are common. Each year more than 50 million people
in the U.S. are affected by mental illness.
3. Mental illnesses affect the way people feel, think, and act.
4. There are more than 200 different forms of mental illness.
5. No one knows the exact causes of mental illness, but genetics, brain
chemistry, or very stressful or traumatic events are some factors.
6. Depression can cause someone to feel long-lasting sadness, guilt,
fatigue, helplessness, irritability, and even hopelessness.
7. Bipolar disorder can cause extreme mood swings, including
depression.
8. Anxiety disorders can cause someone to be filled with fear and
uncertainty for no concrete reason.
9. Schizophrenia is a thought disorder and may include hallucinations and
delusions.
10. Treatment works! With treatment, most people get better and
stay well.

Famous People with Mental Illness (just to mention a few)

• Abraham Lincoln (16th President – depression)
• Edgar Allen Poe (poet, writer – bipolar disorder)
• Elton John (singer, composer – depression)
• Harrison Ford (actor – depression)
• Jim Carrey (actor, comedian – depression)
• John Nash (Nobel Prize winner – schizophrenia)
• Mark Twain (author, humorist – depression)
• Vincent Van Gogh (artist – bipolar disorder)
• Marlon Brando (actor – depression)
• Alanis Morissette (singer – eating disorder)
• Janet Jackson (singer – depression)
• Marie Osmond (singer – postpartum depression)
• Courtney Love (singer – depression)
• Mike Wallace (news correspondent – depression)
• Sheryl Crow (singer – depression)
• Ray Charles (singer – depression)
• Paula Abdul (dancer, singer – eating disorder)
• Trent Reznor (musician – depression)
• Drew Carey (show host – depression)
• Patty Duke (actress – bipolar disorder)
• Eric Clapton (musician, singer – depression)
• Billy Joel (musician, singer – depression)
• Charles Dickens (author – depression)
• Terry Bradshaw (football great, announcer – depression)
• Ludwig Van Beethoven (composer – bipolar disorder)
• Princess Diana (Princess of Wales – eating disorder)
• Brooke Shields (actress – postpartum depression)



Information from COAD, Mental Health Services, 930 E. Lancaster Ave,
Exton, PA 19341(email:mhs@coadgroup.com)( phone: 610-594-9740)