Once Upon A Time

Sometimes, instead of coming to a screeching halt, Life takes a more positive and exciting road.  The sun shines brighter, the air tastes sweeter, and you walk with a skip every other step you take.  Dreams really do come true!

I'm not really sure how I got here, and I am so busy now that I don't have the time to look back to answer my own question.  Should I stop and look back, or should I continue and match my pace to how quickly everything wonderful is unfolding right before my eyes? Is this the time to be cautious?  Or, should this be the time to let IT show me another exciting thing?

Honestly, I do not know.  For now, I'm going to go with the flow.  It's not often that I wake up and jump out of bed, ready to work hard for the rest of the day.  I'm not doing anything that is hurting anyone, and I am not benefiting from someone else's loss.  So far, it's a win-win...at least from where I'm standing.

The saying goes, "When Life hands you lemons, make lemonade."  And, what if Life is handing me an opportunity to start my own little business in a small, safe, and manageable way?  I have my own little workshop at home.  I have "work hours" again (yippee!).  I have goals and plans, and I have incentive.  I am going to have clients!

A part of me still thinks I'm dreaming.  I cannot believe it!  But, come August 4th...we'll see!

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When you wish upon a star
Makes no difference who you are
Anything your heart desires
Will come to you

If your heart is in your dream
No request is too extreme
When you wish upon a star
As dreamers do

Fate is kind
She brings to those who love
The sweet fulfillment of
Their secret longing

Like a bolt out of the blue
Fate steps in and sees you through
When you wish upon a star
Your dreams come true

Happy 40th Birthday

A few weeks ago, I took one teenee, eenee step from age 39 to 40, and I heard a HUGE slam.  No, it wasn't a small click, it sounded more like thick, iron double doors slaming shut!  The type that are locked from the inside using a solid 6x12 plank of cedar.  BOOM.  Officially, I am no longer a thirty-something gal.  I am a forty-something lady!

So, what's the big deal about turning 40?  I can't...

• wear my hair in bright, electrifying, neon colours,
• wear bikini in polka dots with swirls to match,
• colour my nails ten different shades,
• chase the feral cats out of my garden with my super soaker water gun,
• wear silly hats,
• wear buttons or pins that read, "flower child",
• accessorize with "hello kitty" hair clips,
• .........

But, I can...

• highlight my hair in whatever colour I please,
• wear a flattering tankini with a matching sun hat,
• choose rich, deep, and full nail polish colour,
• send my dog out to chase the cats off,
• wear all types of fashionable hats,
• wear buttons or pins that read, "i am woman, hear me roar"
• accessorize with swavrosky crystal hair clips,
• .......

I am not going to let 40 slow me down.  I will not allow 40 to make me cry.  I should not bear any sorrow for growing another year.  Life is about growing.  Life is a journey of experiences and adventures.  40 is just a number, and I will take it up a notch.

What is your age?  That's great!  Happy Birthday is just that...happy!  :)

Crying: Comfort in Unexpected Places

I recall playing near a construction site, against orders from my elders, and stepped on a rusted nail.  I resolved to bear the pain.  I didn't even ask for a bandage for fear of punishment for my disobedience.  I can't remember exactly how long I nursed my pain in silence, but I remember being awake in the night with my foot in excruciating pain. 

That night, my parents were downstairs watching television (black and white, no bigger than 15 inches).  The house was mostly lit by kerosene lamps.  I sat at the top of the stairs in the dark, listening to the activities downstairs and found comfort in their presence.

As an adult, I learned that comfort can be found in unexpected places.  My parents were not initially aware that I was sitting at the top of the stairs, reaching out and drawing comfort from them.  They didn't need to know.  What mattered was that I was comforted!

Comfort can be found in unexpected places.  Tears, whether they are shed from hurt or joy, arouse deep feelings from people.  When we see others cry, there is a deep-seeded urge to protect, guide, hold, hug, comfort, share, lead, love, etc...And when WE cry, we yearn for the same from others.

After I was diagnosed with severe post-partum depression, I cried many tears of hurt, loneliness, doubt, anger, shame, and other self-damaging emotions.  Even in my husband's strong, unwavering, ever-present and unjudging embrace, I hungered for more.  It took almost three months but I soon realized that the comfort I was sought was of the kind I found at the top of the stairs...

My siblings re-adjusted their priorities and needs to allow me to become my parents' primary commitment.  I moved into my parents' house and stayed in the safety and comfort of my parents' help and care for about 9 months in recovery under their roof. 

Without my parents & siblings and my husband's family, I am certain I would not be able to write to you today.  I live with my husband and we share the responsbility of raising our son.  We love our neighbourhood and enjoy the community where we have been in for almost 4 years.  There are more happy than sad days.

So what happened at the top of the stairs?  Eventually, my father found me.  When he asked me why I was awake, I showed him my foot.  I don't remember the rest....just that the next morning they took me to the doctors and I got a tetanus shot.  No, they didn't need to take my foot off (knowing my dad, he probably asked if I wanted them to take my foot!).

Where are you in your recovery from mental illness?  Is this the time you need to ask for comfort?  If so, ask and accept it.  Only after you've found comfort can you begin to recover.  Don't stay in the darkness longer than you need to. If you are not sure how to ask or where to start, talk to your doctor, teacher, parent, sister, brother, best friend, neighbour, grandparent, uncle, aunt, cousin, twin, ...  get the help and comfort you need.

Counting Blessings: One At A Time

Today has been a frustrating day.  Instead of giving an account of the unpleasant things that happened today, I would rather count my blessings, one by one, from one moment to the next, day by day, week by week, month by month and year by year. 

On a great day, it is easy to be thankful for our blessings.  On a normal day, this may take a little bit of concentration.  On a day like today, however, it is not easy to see my blessings.  But, this does not mean that there aren't any.

• My parents are planning a vacation and will come to see me and my family.  That's a great blessing! 
• It's summer!
• My son has been accepted into the school of our choice!
• I love what I've done to my room.  I feel good whenever I go to my room.
• My meds are finally working properly!  It took a while to get here, so this is a special blessing.
• My husband loves me, and is committed to our family.  I want nothing else.
• I am going to finally learn some French on my own, starting July!  Exciting goal.

The magical thing about counting our blessings is that once you get started, the blessings just roll off the tip of the tongue one after another.  It no longer matters what kind of day this has been.  In mental illness, we forget that we have blessings too.  Let's not let the gloom discourage us.  Take a deep breath, and start listing one little blessing, then the next, and the next, and soon more will follow.  It works!

Bless you, my friend.  We do not need to handle our mental illness on our own; we can share our blessings with each other!

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Count Your Blessings

by Kelly Johnston

Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth; Love your neighbor as much as yourself.

My Greatest Supporters

A thank you letter to my greatest supporters...



Dear You (You know who you are),

You have been standing with me.   You gave up so much for me.  You never asked for anything back.  I could not have come this far without you. 

Mental illness can turn a sunny day grey with storm clouds.  Mental illness can rob happiness of its merriment and leave soggy, stinky socks in a brand new purse.  Mental illness can lie and tell you that all your best friends have turned their backs on you and that even the homeless want nothing to do with you.  Mental illness can make you believe there is nothing and no one, and that you are the reason the world is not right.  Mental illness can tell you that you are taking up valuable space on earth, and that it will be a better place without you in it.

We cried, laughed, walked, emailed, shared, fought, and loved together.  You cared and understood.  You were patient, let me off the hook, and didn't mind my silliness.  You accepted my strangeness, my unexplained tears, and accepted my sadness on sunny days. When I wanted to hide, you covered for me.  When I wanted something, you travelled the world to get it for me.  When I wanted a hug, you gave me the biggest, huggiest loving embrace. When I was angry, you stayed silent.  When I was unreasonable, you let me be.  When I was loud, you didn't mind when others stared. When I couldn't bear to be myself, you loved me.

Without you, I would not dare to commit to a "Year of Wellness" and this goal would not be possible.  You are my greatest supporters!  I know who you are...thank you!

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Taken From:  County of San Diego Mental Health Services

As we begin to understand that we can, in fact, recover from mental illness, our supporters also need to understand and believe this fact. While the personal responsibility ( Copeland, 1997) of recovery lies with us, our families and support teams also have a responsibility to encourage our journey. For many of us, our supporters have been engaged in a supportive role with us for a long time, sometimes decades. We’ve taken on the role of the person who is not quite right, who is a patient, who needs help. Our supporters have often taken on a role that engages with us, according to our identity as a person who is a mental illness (Deegan, 2003).

Year of Wellness

When you have been sick for as long as I have been, believing that you will feel well again can be difficult.  Sometimes I forget what it feels like to be well.  To be honest, I have forgotten what it feels like not to be sick.  It isn't that I dwell on being unwell.  Just, it is that I forget that recovery is possible.

Recovery has many definitions. Webster’s New World Dictionary (1970), defines recovery as: a regaining of something lost or stolen, a return to health, consciousness, etc., a regaining of balance, control, composure, etc.

As I was driving to my doctor's for one of my regular visits, I was shocked to discover that I haven't been envisioning what it would be like to be well again!  I haven't aimed to feel better.  My focus was on anything but getting better!  Was it because I didn't think I would be well?

When I got to my parking spot, I turned off the ignition and had to sit there awhile to gather my thoughts.  When was I planning to feel well?  I don't want to be adjusting my medication, monitoring my thoughts and checking my moods forever, do I?  So...

It was like stumbling upon a lottery ticket.  Or, finding a $100 dollar bill and getting to keep it.  Yes, I want to be well.  I want it to be soon.  Okay!  I am going to "plan" to be well soon.  I will keep striving towards wellness.  This is MY commitment:

This year, I will make my health my number one priority.  My family and I will put our own needs first.  We will work hard on getting better together.  We will get well soon.

Putting yourself first to get better, sooner, isn't selfish.  It doesn't matter how long this is going to take.  Make it  your priority to get well.  I deserve to feel well, and so do you.  C'mon, join me.  We will get well together!

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Road To Recovery

I got to get going
If I don't leave now
I will miss my chance
I got to get moving
I don't want to be late
I have a chance
There is a wide area to let me pass
It is very clear
So I got to go now while I can
There is no one to stop me
I got to get going
The road of recovery is just ahead of me
I can trust my beloved to help me
I got to get moving to recovery
If I miss the chance there is no turning back
There is no one to stop me but myself
I must follow the road to recovery
I got to go now
The clear opening is closing
I must make my choice now
I'm running
Running as fast as I can to the end of this road
I will be able to live again
I'm got to keep moving
I don't want to end this way
I'm on the road to recovery
There is no one stopping me
I got to keep moving
This will be my new beginning
I must keep going
On the road to recovery... 

Credit:  Munches2008

May I Babysit Your Child?

If you know that I suffer from mental illness, would you be comfortable putting your child in my care?  For a little while?  Just 15 minutes?  For 5 hours?  Over a period of time, or once in a blue moon?

What would make you feel comfortable?  If there's a track record of children regularly in my care without any accidents or mishaps?  Or, if I work alongside a co-worker in a supervised childcare facility?

Or, do you need to know the nature of my mental illness?  Would you request a doctor's note?  Or, seek references from other parents who have had their children in my care?

I applaud the parent who is unafraid to seek information, references, professional opinion, etc., before putting their child in the care of an individual.  Do not be afraid to ask about someone's track record.  It is NOT an infringement of privacy if someone offers childcare services.  Your child is an important person whose safety, happiness and health are of utmost importance!

As a responsible parent who suffers from mental illness for the past 4 years, I understand the trials of being a caregiver.  Sometimes, I am simply not able to care for my own child with maximum attention.  This is just an aspect of mental illness.  Consider this definition:

Mental illness is what it says; it is an illness of the mind in which a person to some degree loses control over aspects of their thoughts and/or their feelings. It can be very mild- such as mild depression when things look much worse than they are - or very severe - for example when a person’s life is totally dominated by an illness such as schizophrenia, and they cannot live independently.

Having said this, I trust you will not use my illness as a reason to ostracize me.  I am a human being who is worthy of being treated respectfully.   The unfortunate statistic is such that many families have to deal with mental illness in various degrees of severity.  As a society, we must learn to deal with mental illness in careful, healthful, and helpful means.  A community that reaches out for the best of every person thrives.

 

References

 

“Being seen and heard”: the needs of children of parents with mental illness: multi-media training pack for use of staff involved with parents and their children.

Gopfert, M., Webster, J. & Seeman, M. 2^nd edition (eds) (2004) 'Parental Psychiatric Disorder' - Distressed Parents and Their Families. Cambridge: Cambridge University Press.

• Revised by the Royal College of Psychiatrists’ Child and Family Public Education Editorial Board.
• Series Editor: Dr Vasu Balaguru
• With grateful thanks to Dr Alan Cooklin.

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More Information

Crossroads care for youngcarers
Information and support about being a young carer including information about local groups.

MDF: the Bipolar Organization

Supports people with a diagnosis of manic depression and their families.

Princess Royal Trust forCarers

Information, advice, discussion and support for carers, and young carers: YoungCarersNet: http://www.youngcarers.net/

Rethink Mental Illness

Offers information and advice to people with severe mental illness and their carers.

Minds, Myths and ME booklet, produced by four British young carers, available from the Royal College of Psychiatrists. 

‘When a parent has a mental illness’: film for young carers by Dr Alan Cooklin.