We are nearing the end of July 2013. This is my first blog Of the year. What has brought me back?
The Winter was slow moving. The Holiday Season had me in relaxation mode. Too much relaxation turned into apathy. So I hid from the world.
When Spring came and went, and I still was without energy, it was time to sound the alarm. I had not kept in touch with my circle of friends. I stopped making cards and jewelry. I didn't want to move beyond the comforts of home.
I was in trouble. I started to buy things I didn't need to keep happy. I surrounded myself with vourful markers, pens and paper to feel better. I looked for holes in my marriage. I started to tell myself I was a horrible wife and mother. I felt guilty for taking up space and taking in oxygen. Yuck!
I had slipped back into the throes of depression and I knew it. This time I was determined to take the electric toaster into the bath with me. I was going to buy rat poison from Walmart and eat it for breakfast. I decided there was no point to leave a note. So long as I made sure they knew how much I loved them. Each one.
I texted my sisters. "I love you very much." My parents, my brother got their texts too. There! All done. Except my timing was off and they caught on. Next time, draw the bath and have the toaster ready. Or have the rat poison next to a glass of water with me in bed. Or, send emails with future dates for auto delivery.
Now, I have to see the doctor as my husband marches me in. A family member will be supervising me at all hours of the day and night. And my son would not be with me unsupervised.
Weeks later, with new doses of medication, I'm back. Thanks to those who acted on their instincts. Thanks to my tireless, loving and committed husband. Thanks to my most wonderful mother in law. Thanks to my little boy who tells me every day that he loves me and means it so absolutely.
Call me Jedi. I am one with the force.
