Letting Go

Life is full of similar ironies.  I recall crying about my loss as I wondered where my old self had disappeared to.  Will I find myself hiding somewhere out there, waiting to be found?  When done with grieving, I realize that the new me is someone worth getting to know.

So, I begin to learn about myself.  What can I invest in so I can be a better, newer, stronger, more versatile me?  There's something to be said about self-love.  Taking care of oneself is a discipline.  Being good to self involves liking one self. 


That is easier said than done.  For an individual suffering from depression, or as my doctor clinically diagnosed my condition as "Major Depressive Disorder" ... "with psychotic episodes", is it even possible to be aware of who I am and what I wish to accomplish?

Let yours truly say resoundingly: Yes.  For, I have witnessed repeatedly that no one knows him or herself full.  I believe that if we do, we cannot, should not, and would not like ourselves.  We are depraved creatures.  It is not usually possible for us to be truly altruistic or other centered.  We seek out that which benefits us first.  We expend in order to receive.  We share so we can have more.  We help because we seek credit.

We are only capable of knowing part of ourselves at a given time.  Our largest, most encompassing focus is only a minute portion.  The healthiest one among us is only truly aware of a small part.  To say we are the sum of all our parts is both right and wrong, true and false.

Today, I am aware of what I wish to accomplish.  And, while I will rejoice when I am accomplishing those things, I am also aware that there's more of myself that I do not know.  And, I am okay with that.

How about you?

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By Edgar Albert Guest

Myself

I have to live with myself and so
I want to be fit for myself to know.
I want to be able as days go by,
always to look myself straight in the eye;
I don't want to stand with the setting sun
and hate myself for the things I have done.
I don't want to keep on a closet shelf
a lot of secrets about myself
and fool myself as I come and go
into thinking no one else will ever know
the kind of person I really am,
I don't want to dress up myself in sham.
I want to go out with my head erect
I want to deserve all men's respect;
but here in the struggle for fame and wealth
I want to be able to like myself.
I don't want to look at myself and know that
I am bluster and bluff and empty show.
I never can hide myself from me;
I see what others may never see;
I know what others may never know,
I never can fool myself and so,
whatever happens I want to be
self respecting and conscience free.